Waking up every morning, there is a recently familiar feeling of space. A gap separating you from… something. Unsure of what would fill that hole, you spend your days settling into old habits attempting to bring back better times, venturing towards new experiences in chase of the gift life has promised, sitting ever so still hoping to lure in a sense of self. Despite every effort, this is but a pile of leaves masking the hole until something decides to apply any pressure.
Is it the positive experiences of your past raising the bar to an unreasonable standard? Is it a fear of loss keeping you from gaining anything new? Maybe a classic case of not having the courage to choose a path without wondering what the other had in store. Whatever it is, your waking hours are becoming a race to the end of the day. It is in your sleep that you live the life you wish you had. That you see vague reflections of the things you miss most. Either that, or you are given permission to not feel. The dead space when your eyelids shut becomes your sanctuary.
Until someday you wake up and don’t recognize the person in the mirror. You’re older, the scenery has changed, maybe there is a person on the other side of the bed with you. You’ve spent your time in a haze waiting on the few hours of freedom you get every night. But today you realize you have missed any chance to attain that gift you were promised so long ago. You have missed any chance for a life beyond survival. You realize that more than anything else in this world, you fear stagnation. You fear waking up and realizing you still haven’t done a thing.
This is what nobody tells you about the American Dream. The society you grew up in has groomed you into a mindless pawn spending your days dreaming for a better tomorrow, never once working on today. There is a dream we all share. What we are truly missing is the ability to prefer having our eyes open.
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